I’M OVERTHINKING IT, but I’m going to be OK!

January 27, 2023 was my 9th wedding anniversary; and even though I’m a hopeful romantic, we didn't celebrate. For the sake of being transparent, let me just say, it wasn't from a shortage of funds or from a lack of ideas (because I’m full of those). It was the fact that a month prior, my husband made a soul crushing announcement to dissolve our marriage and move back to Texas.

It rocked me to my core!

I wanted to be anywhere else except on the couch hearing him say those words to me.

My first reaction was to scream and yell or shout obscenities; but, I cried in the shower instead. Scratch that, I wept! I involuntarily let out a loud shrill, one I’ve never heard before. Just like Kimberly Elise in Diary of a Mad Black Woman, I literally broke down. It was a true out of body experience where I succumbed to my feelings. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it.

For all the effort I put into keeping our relationship from breaking, we broke anyway. The union I once considered unbreakable, doesn’t exist. And now I have to occupy a space with a man that treats me like a stranger...cordial, but distant.

From my viewpoint, he’s handling this better than me. For some reason, when I see him moving about, it seems like he’s making strides by leaps and bounds. All the while, I’m stuck in my head and my heart. I try to push forward, but I still wear my rings, for instance.

The struggle is real and it can be consuming, but I’m committed to operating in what is and not what will be. Moreover, my ability to accept what’s going on in my life is in no way an admission that I agree with us getting a divorce. It says I’m willing to acknowledge his decision and face it without confrontation.

I recognize starting over at my age can be daunting, but I do not want fear of the unknown to become debilitating. This minor setback will not become a major delay in my life. I am going to embrace my kryptonite, CHANGE, and let go! I’m nervous but excited to begin my journey of self-discovery.  I welcome my future with all its uncertainties knowing I will get through this ordeal.

My story is still being written, and I can’t wait for it to be revealed!