INTRODUCING ME! WHO ARE YOU?

I’m glad you asked, because who I am hasn’t been clear to me for a long time. But I guess if most of my life I lived a lie it would beg the question! Who am I? I didn’t know who I was most of the time. My identity was tied to my family so that’s all I knew. You were either classified as a singer, athlete, or musician. These talents reigned supreme. If I’m honest, I knew early on I was a singer. It was in 1987 when I first Beyonce’d the house down! After that it was a NO-brainer right, or was it? I knew the expectation to sing was already there. But I was confused about who I was because of who everyone thought I should be. Clueless was an understatement. I didn’t know if I were coming or going. I gave myself a pass because I was young. I knew I had a voice and one day the world would hear it! I suppose, however, everyone assumed that meant singing.

My awkward adolescent years didn’t get any better. This is the reason why I started reading and writing poetry. It was my means of escape, a comfort to my already confusing life. I spent so much time with my nose in books I was labeled a recluse. This was everyone else’s assessment of me, not mine of course. But to be fair, I social distanced a lot! LOL! It was in those hours alone I discovered my passion for writing. My newly revealed past time became more than just a getaway; it started to shape my existence! When I looked into the mirror I saw me as an author, a prolific writer, a business mogul, and boss. I dreamed BIG because I knew how, but my built-in insecurities, self doubt, and lack of confidence kept me afraid to reach my full potential. I was already timid, but fear paralyzed me. I told myself I would never reach my destiny. Believe it or not for 28 years I sat on the sidelines and slowly watched myself disappear.

I was a totally different person in my twenties and thirties. I became unrecognizable even to myself. I walked around with these big, white teeth and huge bug eyes, smiling as if I were in a pageant. I was a FAKE, PHONY, and PRETENDER. I was self sabotaging and didn’t even know it. My representative would show up (thinking she was cute), recite her name, and spat off a few fun facts. It’s funny how I had been reduced to the same three sentences. You couldn’t tell me nothing because most of the time I wasn’t listening. To make matters worse I was a know it all! I had become so scripted you would have thought I was auditioning for the role to play me. What’s so interesting is, the scripted version was a lot better. So I thought! I talked and walked the part, but who was I kidding? I was a fraud at best and soon everyone would know it.

I hid behind a façade so long I got use to living average. I settled for mediocrity and worked thankless jobs one after the other. I kept my head down and lived life like it was a chore. I no longer identified with greatness because the weight of the world was suffocating me. I was in a crisis and needed to get out. There was no being fulfilled and my pursuit of happiness seemed far away. Isn’t it interesting how your misfortunes can alter your life? May 2018 ignited the fire, but my disappointments drove my desire. I remembered my purpose which forced me to stop giving into the excuses. I seized the opportunity to be who I was meant to be and live in my truth.

So who am I?

If I tell you I’m a loyal wife who happens to be a great mother, that would imply I have a husband and some little ones. If I mention I am a doting Gia, (my official earned title of granny), that would imply there’s a little one running around looking like my little one! If I said I’m a concerned friend and a convivial sister, (that would mean someone is really smart for using the word convivial), LOL! But then there’s my mama who gingerly says I’M A SURVIVOR! (I can’t argue with mom)! So it got me to thinking, if I am those things to everyone else, who am I to me? Standing at five feet with purple hair, white teeth, and bug eyes I am the powerhouse creator of Levi & Toonk, LLC. I am the 12 year old insecure little girl who knew becoming great was always in her future. I am a 46 year old melanin popping, self motivated entrepreneur on the rise (try saying that five times). This doubt-y, unsure girl from Oak Cliff, TX decided she would be seen and heard. It was three years ago I made the conscious decision to make room for my gift. My passion is now my reality. I persevered, kept my focus, and now I’m moving with purpose. Who am I? Kia, The Author...