I LOVE MY HUSBAND…BUT I MIGHT NEED A SUPPORT ANIMAL!

It’s May 17, 2018 and I’ve lost my job. I’m not trying to relive or rehash that moment, but being fired in my forties is upsetting. I was devastated to say the least. I was hoping that particular job would afford me the opportunity to stack my paper while I start my business. Regrettably for me it didn’t happen that way and things got worse! Not only was I unemployed and embarrassed, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. For one full year I suffered. I convinced myself I was a disappointment to my husband. My “prominent” corporate job was gone and I had let him down by getting fired. I couldn’t stand the thought of not contributing to my household. For God’s sake, I was an intricate part in our marriage. We couldn’t afford NOT to have my income. Even with my husband still working I knew things were not going to be the same. I had come to accept my new reality. I just wasn’t sure he had.

Since we’ve been together he’s always known me to work. I was the majority contributor, so my inability to provide made me feel inadequate. I told myself we were no longer equals because I couldn’t help financially. Isn’t it interesting how I tied my value to money and he tied the money to help?! I tried to start over, but at the time I didn’t know how and thinking about it was frustrating. In my husband’s eyes all I had to do was readjust and apply for a new job. He was certain it would solve everything. And maybe ten years ago it probably would have, but even with my skills, vast knowledge, and expertise I no longer cared to work in corporate. I had lost my desire! I couldn’t go backwards is all I knew and a change was required.

Well, timing couldn’t have been better because August 4, 2019 my gift quickly made room for me. I was now the Founder, Creator, and Author of Levi & Toonk, LLC. The overwhelming sense of accomplishment was palpable. I couldn’t contain my excitement because for the first in my life I was living MY dream! I was so elated I automatically assumed my husband would be too. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to transition when I did and it doused my joy immediately. I didn’t understand his hesitation and neither did I want to. I just knew this was going to happen with or without him. How selfish of me, right? I told myself if he believed in me he’d get onboard, but I was met with resistance. My husband couldn’t understand the gravity of what this meant to me, therefore making our encounters uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to celebrate me and still feel indifferent. Yes! The Barack and Michelle Obama of Oak Cliff had hit a wall. We were at a standstill! SMH! We were in unfamiliar territory. A disagreement is one thing, a standoff is another! My husband tried his best to shift, but at his best, it still wasn’t good enough (at least that’s how it appeared).  

KSA (Kia’s Service Announcement): I love my husband (and not to sound too cheeky) I try to show him everyday. However, at this particular time trying to navigate his feelings and mine wasn’t going to work. I was only concerned about me anyway, considering his feelings were not my priority. I had a company and that’s all that mattered. But one day I was on the computer working as usual when I decided to tally our bills. In that moment it dawned on me, my husband works seven days a week so that I can live my dream. He allows me the freedom to enjoy what I do, even if it’s taxing on him (which it is). He humbly succumbs to a single income household making his employment necessary. I never imagined how drastic of a change this would be on him, but I never asked. I took my husband for granted assuming he was ok! It was never his fault my plans changed, but I expected him to make due. He wasn’t wrong for expecting two incomes, but I made him feel guilt. It was never his dream to be a self-employed entrepreneur, but I questioned his faith (some nerves!). And then my reality hit, God reminded me I was given the vision not him. It was at that point I acknowledged the truth. I finally saw my husband’s heart and accepted what he does for me HIS WAY! No support animal needed…